What next? I was scrolling through Wikipedia recently and I found this quote regarding the early formation of Alcoholics Anonymous and the founder, Bill Wilson:
It was while undergoing treatment with the The Belladonna Cure that Wilson experienced his "Hot Flash" spiritual conversion and quit drinking. According to Wilson, while lying in bed depressed and despairing, he cried out, "I'll do anything! Anything at all! If there be a God, let Him show Himself!" He then had the sensation of a bright light, a feeling of ecstasy, and a new serenity. He never drank again for the remainder of his life. Wilson described his experience to Dr. Silkworth, who told him, "Something has happened to you I don't understand. But you had better hang on to it".
from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bill_W.
Look, I'm not trying to suggest that we all start a 12-Step Program--
"Hi, my name is Joe, and I was married to Satan."
"Hi, Joe."
I'm not trying to suggest that the way to dig yourself out of this hole is a purely spiritual path, I'm suggesting nothing of the sort. However, let me just remind you that YOU were the one who went and Googled "My Ex- whatever is Satan." You see what I'm saying? Let's not argue the point for a while. Of course, as you know all too well, Satan uses this argument against us all the time. We chose to be where we are. We chose to be here. You chose to make the commitment to the marriage or the relationship. You might have even had kids. You OWE it to Satan, or the Spawn of Satan, to carry through
Yeah, right.
I did some more digging in Wikipedia. Did you know that AA started as an outgrowth of the Oxford Group? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oxford_Group
Do you know the Six Tenets of the Oxford Group?
"The Six Tenets were 1. Men are Sinners, 2. Men can be changed, 3. Confession is a prerequisite of Change, 4. The changed soul had direct access to God, 5. The age of miracles has returned, 6. Those who have been changed must change others."
Let's look at that for a minute, and if there are any AA mavens out there that want to chime in, you're welcome. I'm a duffer at this, but I found parallels between this and the MyExIsSatan idea.
1. Men are Sinners-- I like the idea that sins all boils down to one: Separation from God. This is not a site trying to get you to be a Christian or even believe in God. I just like this idea of sin. It makes it easy to digest. If you start from that premise, it doesn't get all judgmental. What it means is that we all do things that get our lives off track, gets our lives away from the flow around us. You can be a genetically pre-disposed atheist and buy into that idea. If you've ever eaten the wrong food, stayed out too late, or drank too much, you know what sin in that context is. You threw your life out of balance. If you've ever cursed in polite company, you know from the icy stares of the people around you what it is to sin. If you've ever farted loudly in the board room, you know what sin is. Crawling into bed with Satan was a sin. That's okay, just climb back out. We all here forgive you. God forgives you. I forgive you-- just get out of the dang bed.
2. Men can be changed-- This is where so many of us get off the track. Yes, we married Satan. Yes, we sat on the couch one night and sulked and realized we had really screwed up our life permanently by attaching ourselves to this uber-demon. Our life was over. We were dead wrong. Yes, we had screwed things up. Yes, it will take a long time to get out from under it. No, you cannot change the past and you cannot make like it never happened. However, you can move forward and undo the sin you have committed against yourself and your own well-being. This is one of the hardest things for anyone to grasp. Look at all the tales of deals with the Devil. All the protagonists end up going to Hell, because they think the bargain made with Satan is irrevocable, or they are so down on themselves and their own wretchedness that they feel they deserve Hell. I have a secret for you. If you walk away from this website with nothing else, remember this: You can renege. You can walk away from the contract. Satan may be powerful but he cannot take away your free will. It is never too late. There will be an early termination fee, and all sorts of fine print, but you can get yourself free. You can tear up the contract and walk out.
3. Confession is a prerequisite of Change -- I've known quite a few drunks in my day. I'm not an alcoholic, but I have a surprising number of friends who are or were. A lot of them wound up in AA.
I've even taken people to AA meetings. I find them fascinating people. One of the points I've argued with my AA friends is this: Okay, the first step in AA is to admit to yourself, to a higher power (God or whatever), and a least one other meaningful person that you are an alcoholic. To me, that is only half of what needs to be done. Step 1 of the 12 steps needs to include confessing : "I am an alcoholic . . . AND, I have a problem with that." I have known folks that drink too much. They admit they drink too much, and don't see it as a problem. I'm not going to argue the point. The point here is that some folks get married to Satan AND it's not a problem. Some people were meant for it-- perhaps as a calling. There is somebody out there right now that would love to be married to that sick, twisted bastard you've been shacking up with. You just aren't the one. Admit it and lets move on. Furthermore, you need to admit that Satan is just being Satan. This is something that Satan does not need to change. Being the Prince of Darkness is just fine, if you're Satan. Satan does not owe you change. It is not Satan's fault. If you woke up tomorrow morning and found you were sleeping next to an alligator, you would not wake the beast up and ask the beast to change its habits. You would just quietly get out of bed and leave the room, right? Okay, here's the next step--after you've left the bedroom. After you've gotten in your car and driven a safe distance away, go to a park somewhere and quietly confess to yourself: "I sleep with alligators. I do not like sleeping with alligators. I want to stop sleeping with alligators. " You can repeat this confession to God and your other friends at your leisure. But confessing and repenting your penchant for sleeping with alligators is a must if you want to stop sleeping with alligators. Got it? Look at this another way. Look at "my ex is Satan" as "I shacked up with a demon." You can feign surprise, you can claim you were tricked, but the truth of it is that you had the chutzpah to crawl into bed with Satan. That's fine. Let's just get that out in the open and we'll be fine.
4. The changed soul had direct access to God-- I'm not trying to be preachy here, so let's leave God out of it for the moment. All you gotta do is get up off your knees from that picnic table in your park, and you've got the rest of your life to live. Yes, Satan is going to be there. Satan is always there for all of us. This does not give you immunity to Satan or sin, or alligators. It just means that you've decided to get out of bed with the slimy SOB and move on. You have the rest of your life, and there will be always temptations. No one is guaranteeing that you won't some day wake up from a late night in a bar and smell the tell-tale stench of rotting flesh next to you. The point is that you can still roll out of bed again, and try to make it to the door. Don't give up. You'll be surprised, once you're out of that bedroom how good the air outside will smell. Bill Wilson had this kind of epiphany. He thought it was God. I'll leave that to you to decide. The point is that your life with Satan has put your life off-track and out of the natural flow of things. You need to find the flow and get back into it. When you find that flow again it will feel Divine. It is worth the effort.
5. The age of miracles has returned -- Let me take this alligator analogy a step further. If you've spent the last decade sleeping next to Ol' Poodle Breath every night, that first day you walk out will be one of those miracles that lasts a lifetime. There are no promises of miracles here at myexissatan.com. In fact, there is no guarantee you will make it out of the bed. You may get your leg gnawed off before you make it to the bedroom door. I got news for you: if you're in the habit of sleeping with alligators, the one you're in bed now is the least of your worries. Still, it is better to die trying. Remember, you were the one on the couch thinking that your life was over.
" An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last."
Sir Winston Churchill
British politician (1874 - 1965)
Of course, Winston was not referring to Mrs. Churchill when he said this, but you get the idea. Me? I got away from my alligator and within a few weeks, I was enjoying life again. I was eating steak now and again in restaurants. I bought a bottle of scotch and had a drink now and again. I looked up some of my old friends and some of them still thought of me fondly-- Satan hadn't gotten to them first. That was a miracle in itself. I got a girlfriend-- a groupie of sorts that had worshiped me from afar back in the old days. She turned out to be somewhat saurian in nature too, but believe me it was miracle enough for me then, and I found later on that I had gained skills in evading alligators. Eventually, less than a month before my divorce from Satan became final, I met KYHillChick. We got shacked up. We got married. We made a baby. I got Satan thrown out of my house and moved back in. I am sitting right now at the spot I was a little over 16 years ago when Satan came after me and I stood up and started my path to redemption. These are miracles enough.
6. Those who have been changed must change others-- I don't know about "MUST." All I know is that after 20-some years of dealing with my ex and my penchant for alligators, I had the sudden urge to start this website.
from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:022306-gatorland05.jpg
I'm not saying it is easy for this guy to get up and walk away. After all, he's the one who chose to work at Gatorland. You get the idea. However, what he's doing is not BAD. What he's doing is not a disease. He is not an addict. He's made a poor career choice and if he wants to go off and become a telephone repairman or a computer programmer or a minister, there shouldn't be a problem-- after he gets off that dang alligator.
One last thing and then I"ll go away and go watch Google Analytics for a while and see if you're really going to come back for a second look at this site: if you think you're off your alligator but your ex is still holding satanic sway over your life--Guess again! It's time to wake up and realize that Ol' Poodle Breath is still there. There's the door. You make a run for it and I'll throw in a soured chicken and try to draw it off. We'll try and get out of this one together. You owe me one, though. Leave me a comment or sign my guestbook or send me an email to shaman@myexissatan.com and we'll call it even. Send me an essay, a poem-- anything. This doesn't have to be just me here.
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